Happy's Vet trip...from Hell

I wish I had a camera crew following my every move today. This whole day would have had the whole world in laughter induced tears.

Today, I had to take my dog, Happy, to a dermatologist specialist at the University of Tennessee in Knoxville. But, let me preface this whole day but telling you what led up to today, or why I had to take Happy to Knoxville.

Two weekends ago, the weekend Steve played for the Mississippi Rising Gala event to raise money for Hurricane Katrina victims, we boarded Rudy and Happy at our normal vet, Harpeth Valley Animal Hospital. When we came home on Monday, we picked up the boys, brought 'em, the usual. On Tuesday, we were playing with Happy, and we rolled him over on his back to tickle him, and noticed he had some unusual redness and scabbing on his chest, as if he had some itchiness and maybe some skin breakage. Nothing to worry...we figured, bassets are well known for their skin allergies and irritations. I took him to the vet on Wednesday morning.

The vet was puzzled, but agreed with us that it was more than likely an allergy, most likely brought on by hay fever, or grass...common allergy for dogs this time of year. Doc gave lil' Happy a cortizone shot, a milkbone, directions to take benadryl 3x a day, a small perscription of cephalexin, a pat on Happy's lil booty, and sent us out the door.

The next day, Thursday, Joe and brought the boys in to the vet again to board so that we could leave town the next morning on a canoe/camping trip for the weekend. Everything was fine. happy didn't really show any signs of improvement, and we figured it was too soon to tell.

Sunday night...time to pick up the pups. We picked them up same as usual. When we arrived home, I flipped Happy over to check on his chest, but when I did, I was shocked. His scabbing and redness had turned into ENORMOUS scabbed welts, not only on his chest but on his left front armpit and leg. And worse, we discovered scaly scabby areas on his ears that looked like he had a bunch of "peas" under his skin in his normally soft ears. I flipped out, and called the Nashville pet emergency. We took him in, they did some skin scrapings, and found basically nothing. The doc scratched her head, gave him a benadryl and batril shot, and told us to have a follow up visit the next day. We did...doc didnt know what it was, and gave him a oral perscription for baytril, a heavy antibiotic. That was Monday.

Well, here it is Friday (well, Saturday...now that I'm writing), and Happy is NOT better. I had called the vet every day this week giving updates. no improvements whatsoever. Only declination of his scabs. Today the welts are just as red and high as ever, but now his ears are starting to crack open and bleed, and Happy is starting to naw at his ears, causing them to be raw and lose hair.

I called the vet this morning, beggin for them to get us in to the Nashville dermatologist, and to our dismay, they said, "She's a great doc, but she isn't working today, and is not going to be in until next week." I said that if there was another place inthe state of TN, I would jump in my car and go. So they called the doc in Knoxville. They had an opening, so I went.

Here's where the need for the cameras kicks in....Get ready to die......

I talked to Harpeth for the last time around 11:30am, and that is when they told me that Knoxville had room for me, heres the number, they will be expecting you at 3:30pm EASTERN time. 2:30, my time. Well, that leaves me 3 hours on the dot to get there!!! (((Humanly impossible in Friday afternoon traffic, btw))) I flew around the house, bagging up dog food (just in case we were there over the weekend), getting cash, organizing my office work in my folder, forwarded the phones, calling joe every 2 minutes. etc etc etc. I get a call right when i'm leaving from Jessica's tour manager having problems with one of her band guys. I had to fix it before i left. Then the venue was refusing to cover hotels, in which they had orgianlly agreed, so I had to take care of THAT too. So as soon as I had everything gathered up, I threw the boys in the car ((yes...both of them. I had no one to watch Rudy, so I figured, what the hell....it'll be a good buddy for Happy. Wow, was I wrong. You'll see. It wasn't bad, but I could have eliminated some frustration.))

We're in the car, driving down Hicks Road. We get to the stoplight next tothe shell station, not even a mile from the house, I hear Happy whizzing all over the back seat. "Damn it, Happy!!!" I screamed. Poor buddy....Happy is NOT a travel dog. I was already preparing myself for the worst. He normally begins a road trip with a nice burp and a regurgitation of his breakfast all over the back seat. Thank God he didn't do that, but geez.

My first stop, Eckerd, because I needed the drowsy version of real benadryl to knock his ass out, and now I was in desparate need for a roll of paper towls, and some cheese slices to disguise the benadryls. I go inside, found the benadryl, paper towels, but no cheese. "Great"....i thought..."this is going to be fun to get him to eat these. I can say "Treat! "all day and the bastage will never believe me." I was right. He didn't believe me. I had to pry open his slimey jaw and drop it down his gullet, and pray that he wouldn't try to spit it back up. That took me way too long. And also, by the time I ripped open my tower of paper towels, the piss had already sunk into the carpet. So I jumped back into the front seat, buckled up, and decided to get on the way.

Next stop, I had to drop off a couple of CDs to the CDX place....mission accomplished. Easiest part of the day.

I start flying down I-40 headed East to Knoxville. Most of the time Im cookin' anywhere between 75 and 90 mph (sorry Joe, sorry mom!) I'm watching everywhere for cops. Wild thing was, EVERYONE was driving that fast. Ic ouldn't believe it. I was getting passed all over the place. At this time, Happy is sitting in his usual seat, directly behind me, staring out the window, completely silent. I try to look back over my shoulder to check on him, but I can't see anything but his tail, but it appears to me that hes sitting up and looking out the window...which is usually what makes him sick.

We roll about an hour and half out of town, and get to ohhhhhhh about Center Hill Dam. I smell something awful. I swore that Happy had passed some gas far beyond anything he had ever passed before, which, to me, meant that he needed to "go." I said "hang on, Hap...we'll stop in 2 seconds." He couldn't wait that long. He decided to poop right then and there. ARGGGGHHHH!!!! Next stop...a rest stop. Ahhh good. I took the exit. The worst exit for a rest stop I had ever seen in my life. It whirled me around the interstate and around a couple more circles before it mis directed me to where the semis park, only by the time I parked I was facing the semis. Screw it, I'm parking here. I got out, shut my door, put my head in my hands for a moment, ran my fingers thru my hair, took a deep breath (fulling knowing that it was my last fresh breath for the next 15 or 20 minutes, and then opened up the back door where Happy had been sitting.

Everywhere. On the seat, on the floor, on the water bowl, on Happy.....gross. Thank God for the paper towels, the extra plastic bag that I had gotten at Eckerd (for just in case he threw up) and Clorox clean up wipes. I dove in head first, cleaning up the crap with paper towels first, and then wiping down with the clorox wipes. I ordered Rudy to stay in the front seat, and like a rambuncious kid that doesn't mind, he disobeyed me, ran right thru it, and then decided he had made a bad decision. He then peacefully sat on the back seat, quietly, until I finished wiping up the mess.

Keep in mind, I was in a hurry.

K, so I wiped it all up...next duty, let the boys out to do business. Rudy went first. Good job, Rudy. Happy next. Ugh...I had to pick him up and put him on the ground....not knowing if I got all the poop off him or not. I think so, but damn. Good thing I let him do business, because he left a pile........... I mean A PILE. After they were done, I shoved them back in the car, cracked the windows, took my flip flops off, and RAN straight into the rest stop, practically knocking over men women and children to get to the bathroom to wash up, AND wash off Rudy's leash, of which Happy so gracious contributed some poop to. Raced back to the car, jump in, and, did what I had been dreading since I pulled into the rest stop....tried to analize how the hell i was going to get out of there, since I was facing the wrong way, and if I did turn around, i would be going out the wrong exit.

Well, as I was high tailing back to the car after washing up, my eye caught a pathway marked back to I40 east, but that meant that I would have to jump 2 curbs and a median to get to that pathway. You can bet your ass smacked those curbs and ran my tires thru that median!! With 100 people watching me, I didn't give a crap....I dared 'em all to come after me!! :) I have a big vehicle...might as well show it off. Sorry to all you saturn drivers. You couldn't do what I just did!

So on the road again...Happy is now in the back sitting behind the passenger side of the vehicle. He looks doped up. Hes sitting up, and he looks like he could puke at ANY given moment. I'm up front with Rudy inmy lap just praying that he doesn't.

We pull into Knoxville, I'm an HOUR late. I had already called the vet clinic 3 times to get directions, and I get a little further in the directional process before I lose cell tower. So I'm in knoxville, and we come to a dead stop. Road construction. Finally get thru it, and I take what I THINK is the right exit. It was, but THEN after that, I took the wrong exit, and it takes me down a wrong path. I go to the next exit to turn around, and I have the clinic on the phone to tell me how to fix my mess. They didn't know how to, so I had to figure out how to turn around in a very messy situtaion. I'll tell you, I ended up at Cheroke path or park or something stupid before I could get turned around. So I'm back on the right path, and i figure out how to get to the clinic. Ah ha. We arrive. I'm shaking from not having time to eat. its 4;30 PM. LATE.

I leave Rudy in the car, I take Happy in, and they are ready for us. They greeted us and took us right now. Sweet people. We talk about Happy for a few minutes, and I decided to go out and get Rudy so he doens't toast in the car. I brought him in and of course he's sniffin' and trying to get attention from everyone around.

The docs take happy back to get some tests done, and Rudy and I are left in the exam room. He's sniffin' around and decides to pee on a few spots. I see him, and he knows hes in deep poop. So I swooped him up, and put him on the table, while I went to cleaning up his mess. He then decided that he wanted to be a super hero, and jumps....off the table on the slick hard floor. Conk!!! He bonked his little head on the floor. I immediately turned around to see if he was ok. He came running over to me and reached up for me like "Ohhhh mom....That was dumb. Hold me. and please dont beat me for that." I snuggled him for a little bit, while we waited for lil' Happy.

Happy returned, and the doc said they couldn't find much, but they needed to run a biopsy. So RUdy and I waited again. This time Happy returned with 3 patches of skin sown up on his chest where they had taken skin samples. All Happy wanted to do was bite at the stitches and chew on his ears.

We had to get one of those cones to put on his head, and the vet tech and I were having a hell of time getting it sized around his loose skin on his neck, AND keeping Rudy from trying to bite at Happy's poor ears. We finally got it on him, but Happy HATED IT. He had such a hard time sniffing on the ground, and going thru doors. It hurt him too. Poor lil guy. I checked out, and walked to the car with the boys. It was a monster chore to get them in the car, mainly Happy because he had that damn thing on his head and couldn't fit anywhere. I finally got him semi comfy and jumped inthe car to go get some things at PetSmart.

I was so hungry at this point that I could barely stand up. I had to stop at Arby's. That made me sick.

So I get to PetSmart,and I'm looking for a tshirt for happy to wear so he doesn't bit at his stiches, a bed for him to lay on so he doesn't get car sick on the way home, and some treats for the boys. I get all the stuff, and have a "Oh my gosh...the Arby's is backing up on me" feeling, and need to find the bathroom quick. I couldn't find it for a few minutes. Ugh. Finally I found it. I had to leave all my stuff outside the bathroom. After i had finished, I needed to find a store clerk to help me find a "snood" that would help tie up happy's ears so he would bite at them. It took me 10 minutes to find someone, and then, no one knew what the hell it was. So I said Screw it, and went to check out.

Went out to the car, and the first thing I tried, was to put the tshirt on happy. WAY too small. I remebered seeing some tshirt for sale with a $2 donation. I ran back inside and bought a Human tshirt sized Large, and ran back out. The next trick was keeping Rudy in the car while EVERYONE had their dogs in PetSmart. he kept seeing them all walking in and out, and he wanted to go chase them all down. I was having a hard time with him, and trying to get the tshirt on happy. Then Happy kept squeezing out of it, so I had to knot it around him. He was IN LOVE with his new bed and instantly laid down in it.

Borders books was on the corner. No way I was leaving town with out a coffee. I went in, got some coffee, came back out, and I had to readjst happy again for he came out of his tshirt again. Finally squared away, and we took off. They both slept like little babies until about an hour and a half later. I stopped to get gas and let them out. That was a 45 minute stop, just trying to get them all in and out and pottied.....Happy was so uncomfortable. As soon as they were in, they got comfy though.

So now I'm finally home. I got Happy one of my tshirts so that it fits him snug, and instead of a damn "snood" I have safety pinned 2 of joe's socks to Happy's ears so that he won't bite at them. Gave Rudy a bath, and they are snuggled happily ever after, BOTH OF THEM TOGETHER, in Happy's bed.

Ahhh....time for lights out. How about THAT for a day???