The Best of Intentions

An anonymous poster wrote me last night asking us about the relationships in our lives, and if we make efforts to show love to those that are only readily in our lives, and if we have possibly shunned others because of possible gossip chains. Also it was asked if we took the time to think about our commitment to developing our relationships, and if we just worked on them when we had "time."

Thank you for your comment. I can honestly say that this is something that rambles through my mind at all times. ALL TIMES.

TO have a relationship go awry causes my world to collapse around me. I speak as if life is not full of ebbs and flows of people who come in and out of ones life like the tide hitting the beach. THere's no chance of experiencing life without such changes, and such heartache. I've always looked at the relationship between people as special - and that if we were stripped of everything that this world has, we would have only one "thing" - each other. So when I have a relationship that takes a turn for the worse, whether simple conflict or complete separation, my heart breaks and my chest feels like its caving inward.

I've tried all my life to have the purest of intentions with people. My heart is not capable of having it any other way. And maybe that was to my own misfortune thinking that everyone might possibly have the same pure intentions. And I believe that this is where most of our relationships HAVE in fact gone wrong. Joe and I feel that we do show love to those in our lives, and we make every effort to be inviting and loving to those we just met, or come into contact with occasionally. If we've ever come across differently, I can promise our intentions were misunderstood. When it comes to those who we don't know personally, I'm more open to striking up conversations with, or inviting into our lives than Joe is. Joe is more cautious about people than I am, and so he has to remind me that not everyone on earth has the same pure intention, and that some people you have to hold at arms length to protect yourself, and most of all your family, as there are more snakes in the grass than not. And unfortunately, we HAVE been taken advantage of, but I'm so quick to forgive and forget. Its a tough balance, and I'm not sure I'll even understand the "right" way to do it.

I have had to in the past, as all do at some point, had to bring to end abusive or unhealthy relationships. And yes, it even pained me then. I've prayed at every instance that the Lord guide me, and the other person, to understand the need to prune, and for the strength to understand and trust those reasons why.

Now - about "shunning" people for the sake of gossip - I pray that I have never done this. And if I have, please forgive me. I have been the subject of many a hurtful completely untrue chatter, enough to the point of irrepair. I have rearranged my entire life because of being shunned myself. I'm talking HURTFUL DESTRUCTIVE LIES. So gossip to me is not a factor in selecting friends, or the determinate of how I treat my friends.

As for having TIME, this is where my heart pains me the most. My husband and I, as individuals before we were married, as well as since we've been married, have wrestled between maintaining relationships and managing shortness of time for as long as we can remember. When I was in highschool, and college, I was NOT a student of good grades, but I will never say I didn't try as hard as I could - but yes, my relationships suffered immensely. I was riding on my own money and my folks money for a good education, with the weight of the world on my shoulders to do well in school, and that meant long, hard hours with my head in the books. And if I wasn't studying, I never once (in highschool and in college) had less than 2 jobs, trying to survive. Once I was out of school - what a relief THAT was as I was able to spend more time with the folks i had neglected for so long. But then once again, after school, it was short amount of time until I was married and in a family business with Joe. And let me tell you - the intensity of time shortness was unbearable. The art of survival in our business meant 24/7 working, on call day and night, becoming a "forward" thinker for an artist that had nothing going on, and if our artist survived, then WE COULD EAT. If not, then we would wonder how to survive the next week. We worked DAY and NIGHT making stuff up for our artist to do to make it look like he could be worth something to the industry - and I have to admit, we did a pretty damn good job. But only to our dismay - with our business being stolen out from under us (another story). But we did what we had to do to SURVIVE. It was all or nothing. And soon, we found out that we did what we had to do, to make it to where we are now. In our business it was all or nothing. And the relationships we had during that time were solid. We didn't have a lot of time to cater to them, but what we could do, we did, and they understood our situation. And I still have some friends fighting for their chance in that business - one was my maid of honor in our wedding - and I hear from her maybe once every 6 months - but I know the bond we have, and we still work towards maintaining our relatinoship, even if its just leaving a "hey, i'm thinking about you" on each other's voicemail. So I think the ones that are truely solid will stay and understand. The ones that don't understand will move on. But I can tell you, if anyone has ever needed us for anything, we were there - or at least we did our level best - whether it was an illness, a death, a break up, or even a celebration - we dropped what we could and were there.

Anyway, this is getting too long, and Joey's only going to be alseep for a few more moments. We try - and we have the purest of intentions, through hurt and joy. We live and learn, and yes, my friend Ray, again you are right - the prices are steep in everything we do, and the price of friendship is one to be mindful of at ALL times.

I might have more to write on this later....