"Don't be bitter, don't be bitter - don't grow tired of doing good to others, no matter what's been done to you ...Lord help me."
I have to pray these words about 10 times a day lately. I haven't had to pray these words in a while. We've recently been screwed - once again - by someone we considered a close, wonderful friend.
My heart sinks to the floor these days. They say you can count your friends on one hand. Man, that's about right. Our list of people that we can confide in, laugh with, share good memories with, invite into our lives consistently, dwindles to an all time low.
Joe and I ask ourselves everyday - "Wow....are we really that bad? Is there a chance that our efforts to show love to the people in our lives are really cut down by continuious ugly chatter behind our backs that we are genuine pieces of crap? Do people just plot to step on us at the right time? We have only the best and purest of intentions - there must be something wrong with us."
After a deep breath and slow release, we remind ourselves that its just a part of life. I hate to keep people at arms length, but sometimes you have to (not always though, thank God). You're a fool if you don't keep a distance with some. Find those who can be counted on as much as you feel you can count on yourself, and bring those close. But even then, be cautious, i'm learning. That's so sad. So sad.
Now that we are in a new place - in life, all around - we are able to prune our lives a little. I just pray that we can prune the ones that speak darkness into our lives, and embrace those (old and new) that only speak hope and light, as we can to them, as well.
Another deep breath and long release - and prayer... "Don't be bitter....."
Monday, July 23, 2007
Deep breath and slow release - and prayer.
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Do not let bitterness set in & rob you of all the happiness God has in store for you.
The recent trials of my life have brought me closer to God than ever before. Six months ago I had friends from all across the US & in one instant they were gone. It took many tearful, sleepless nights to realize that they were not meant to be in my life but only for a season.
Did that make it any easier? No, but as I begin to cry out to God & seek his wisdom then a whole new world opened up before my eyes.
Jesus Christ suffered more persecution & hurt than anyone else on this earth. Was it because he was a bad person? Not a chance, he was the most loving, compassionate, caring person every to walk this earth. He could have turned a cheek to those who hurt and spitefully used him but he chose instead to love unconditionally.
Sometimes when people hurt us we are able to work through things, forgive & move on. At other times, try as we might, we are unable to resolve our differences because the hurt was just too much. I just could not grasp why God had allowed me such hurt, just as it is hard to understand why you have had to suffer such hurt, even at my hands.
After talking to my Pastor I asked myself, could it be that God was trying to teaching me what it means to love others unconditionally? (1 Corinthians 13:1-7 I read often)
Jesus was a man whose unconditional love changed lives. You could see it in everything he did. From the way he healed the sick to the way he continued to believe in Peter even though Peter denied him. I am sure you have heard that story many times.
Without love we have no hope. Without love we gain nothing. It is human nature to want to protect ourselves from being hurt emotionally. To do that, we fight back or avoid the person or persons who have wronged us. We don't want to love unconditionally. Yet, the very thing we don't want to do is exactly what will have the most impact on our situation. Relationships don't get better because people fight to protect themselves or distance themselves. They get better because one person makes a decision to love the other unconditionally.
Unconditional love starts as a tiny seed in our heart when we become aware that this is God's desire for us. God plants the seed and then he expects us to do our part by watering it with joy, patience and faith. We have to realize that there is hope if we know God is in control. God will take care of the situation in His purpose and timing?
Do I forgive my enemies for the hurt they caused me? Yes, do I forget not totally. In my own self I would love to seek to hurt and destroy them as they tried to me. But I am reminded that Jesus didn't defend himself, make threats or retaliate. He trusted God to judge each situation justly. Entrusting myself to him means much more than patiently waiting and hoping that he will take care of things on my behalf. It means my being at peace with his decision no matter what the outcome. I can allow him to handle it because he has my best interest at heart. (Peter 2:23)
To Be Continued….
I am not saying you/we should have a relationship with those who have tried to destroy & bring hurt to the lives of each of us and our families. What I do mean is when a past is littered with seemingly overwhelming pain, it impedes our ability to move forward & adjust to this ever-changing world that we live in.
Forgiving is not forgetting. It's letting go of the hurt. It is an act of faith. By forgiving another, we are trusting that God is a better justice-maker than we are. By forgiving, we release our own right to get even & leave all issues of fairness for God to work out. If we leave it in God's hands he will balance justice & mercy. It allows us to understand the negative impact of another person & to release the pain & find inner peace.
When we choose to forgive someone, this does not mean that we acknowledge his or her cruel behavior as acceptable. It is something that we do for ourselves, a way for us to go on with one’s life, to avoid having that other person’s wrong-doing on our mind, robbing us of energy, robbing us of happiness, & continuing to yield the same amount of hurt over and over again.
We have to truly open our hearts to that person, without having them in our lives. We do not have to maintain the relationship. but we do need to heal the hurt they inflicted on us so that it doesn't commandeer our happiness. We can take back our power by understanding the flawed humanity of the other person & allow ourselves to wish them well. If we do not feel safe having them back in our lives, at least we can do that which God commands us, forgive them.
Proverbs 19:11states, "A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense." What a revelation that was for me.
God has given you a wonderful husband, a beautiful baby boy & a fresh start in a new destination he has chosen for you. Do not ever doubt that you are where you are because it is a part of his master plan.
Allow God to help you to forgive so that you might live in the peace, happiness & contentment he has for you.
I can FINALLY say truthfully that I know what God wants for me. My grandmother who was a minister told me years ago that I would have my own ministry of sorts one day. She said it would not be from a pulpit but that I would indeed seek to show others the way through pain and hurt.
What I didn't understand then was that I would have to suffer hurt before I could show others the way out. I can however say that if Jesus Christ suffered much yet still helped others I can certainly go the distance he has for me.
Hang in there Katie. God has greener pastures for you just on the other side of forgiveness.
I have been told only very nice things about y'all. I don't believe you two are bad at all.
Perhaps you can get in touch with old friends you have not talked to in a long time and who have not been in your life recently.
Maybe that will remind you that you do have real friends.
I believe you are dead-on when you wrote that you can count your friends on one hand.
I have been literally dumped by someone who was one of my best friends for ten years.
I don't know if the relationship was ever real of if the person changed.
I wonder if you struggle with that thought too.
God will provide y'all with loyal friends. You may have thought of this already but church is a good place to start. How about your neighbors?
Maybe there are folks in your neighborhood y'all may like playing cards with on a weekend?
Some of our best friends are our old neighbors.
I hope this helps.
Is it possible you and your husband only think that y'all are making efforts to show love to the people in your lives?
Maybe y'all have shunned people who really care about you because you have listened to and believed gossip about them.
It never pays to jump to conclusions. This I know from experience.
Also, it doesn't work to only be a friend to someone when you feel like it or to wait until a time when your life is not so busy. Your relationships with your husband and child come first but friendships also take work and commitment.
This I know from experience as well.
I think y'all are really nice folks and I pray y'all will develop lasting relationships.
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