Honesty.

My friend Doug hit me with a 10 things honest meme, and so here goes...!

1 - I hate telephones. HATE them. I don't exactly know when this phobia came to be, but I think it was when I was in Nashville. The phone would ring at work and I was deathly afraid of not knowing how to answer a question. When I went to work with my hubby, his business was such as political balance beam, and I don't know how to be political at all, and am honest to a fault (maybe that should be #2 in this meme??) - and I was afraid I would say too much. So I just wished that the stupid phone wouldn't ring. And I still have the same phobia today. I just hate the phone - period.

2 - I'm really hard on myself. I'm not as bad as I used to be. (Geesh - thank God for living and learning.) I have this thing where I try to over-reach a goal, and I get pissed at myself if I don't make it.

3 - I can be really mean when I'm tired, overwhelmed, depressed, being hard on myself. Very hurtful. The thing is - I don't intend to be, but my words get all boggled up, and before I pass my sentences and the tone I'm about to speak them in before the panel of judges in my head, they come spilling out - demanding, cold, and - frankly - bitchy. My husband has to take the brunt of this flaw - but thank God he knows when its his fault, or if its just me - tired, overwhelmed, depressed, etc.

4 - I rarely feel like I'm living up to my life purpose. I just feel antsy almost all the time. I feel like there is something bigger and more purposeful that I'm supposed to be doing right now in my life. But I'm hindered by my current life. I shouldn't say "hindered".... that's not the right word at all. I'm more "busy" with my current life - raising my son, and getting ready to have another. I have to remind myself that when its time, that big ol' purpose will show itself, and it will be something completely different than what I could ever assume.

5 - I'm often referred to by my husband as a walking rolodex. I can just remember that stuff. Usually.....

6 - I know a lot more than I let on. I really do "get" it - but I don't show it. I tend to, well, not play dumb, but I just don't always show all my cards. I'm not deceptive by ANY means. I just don't always open my mouth.

7 - I love to travel alone. There's nothing more freeing to me than being by myself traveling in a car, on a plane, walking down a street of a new city or country. I love my husband, and my son - but before I was married, this was the most liberating thing in my whole life. Given, its not that safe for women to do these days - but it is so intoxicating to me. I once walked down the streets of Lisbon Portugal for a few hours by myself in mid afternoon. I stopped by a little grocery stand and bought some fruit to snack on and brought my journal. I stopped a few times a long the way to soak up the sun, and write a few thoughts down. I even came across an old man, walking along, and he stopped me to have a conversation with me in broken English. He even sang a song to me in 1/2 French, 1/2 Portuguese, and then wrote down the lyrics on a piece of paper in broken English. I'll dig them up and put them on this blog someday soon. It was a love song to his wife. I cried. And so did he. It was one of the most memorable afternoons of my life. And I was traveling alone. I. loved. it.

8 - I love to sing. LOVE it. And even thought about going towards the "big" time with it - but then was completely turned off the business (after working so intensely within it), and even decided that I couldn't do it because - well, frankly, I didn't have the self-promoting narcissistic personality it takes to go with it. I just couldn't create a world that revolved around me. But I still like to sing. And not many get to hear me these days, except Joey.

9 - I don't hold grudges. I just can't. Life is much too short. Now, don't get me wrong - I don't often forget the moments that have hurt the most because I don't want to be a fool again - but I don't hold them against people. I have this (naive) belief that most people have the intention to do good to others, and don't intend to purposefully hurt or spite. I'm not THAT naive - but I think most of the time, this is the case.

10 - And for the biggie - (and this is STUPID but I'll never forget it because i'm embarrassed about it) - in kindergarten, I brought snack-sized candy bars to school to share with my class for my birthday. And while I gave everyone one, I took two for myself and looked at everyone at my table and said with a shrug, "Hey.... its MY birthday!!" What a jerk I was!

Ok kids..... I'm going to tag Kate from All Over the Place (if you have time! I know you are all over the place ....) and Daniel, my brother.